Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
