I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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