wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Randomize