I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
my poor anus
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
