I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Randomize
