I just saw a hot homeless man
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
