I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
