I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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