I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize
