were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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