Can i not drive my cunt home
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
