it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
