I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
