Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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