Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
