i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Randomize
