There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
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I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
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He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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