Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Randomize
