sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Randomize
