Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
