brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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