did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
