chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
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