Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
