so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
