Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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