dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
