Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
