I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
