Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
