Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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