I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
