I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize