There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
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