Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
