I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
