so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
