the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
