You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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