I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
