none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
