Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
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