i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
