just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
