That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
