Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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