So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
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