I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
