Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
