just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
