Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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