And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
