Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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