I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
