Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
