Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
