the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize
