the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
