Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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