I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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