my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
