I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
You have to summon your inner elephant
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
