Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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