sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
