So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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