3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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