I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
