...so i touched it.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Randomize
