Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
