i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
