I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
