Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
