I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
