How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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